


untitled

by orphan_account



Category: Super Junior
Genre: Angst, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, past breakup, unedited, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-14
Updated: 2018-12-14
Packaged: 2019-09-18 02:07:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 991
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16986117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: it was hard for jungsu to remove his mask, leeteuk. it was even harder for him to reach heenim, his first love and only soulmate.(vent fic)





	untitled

**Author's Note:**

> apologises this is unedited because i was in such a shitty mood.
> 
> i feel like i needed to write this because i'm going through a heartbreak. it feels shitty

“leeteuk?”

it was heenim, he looked at _leeteuk’s _face examining it. another dreaded day, after another rehearsal and cleanup after kyuhyun decided to visit the dorm. the rest of the boys had left and god knows what they’re all doing, leaving only jungsu and heenim. it was silent as usual. they were so used to being heechul and _leeteuk _. now it’s just jungsu and heenim.____

____cold sweat. you could hear his sweat beads dripping from his forehead onto his pants.  
heart beat. his breathing was unreadable. everything was coming back. from the day he hurted his only family, the day he found out about his father, or simply a day where he was yelled during rehearsals at that hurted him too much._ _ _ _

____**don’t say it, don’t say it. ******_ _ _ _

____****“leeteuk, please.”** ** _ _ _ _

____******jungsu **wouldn’t answer, he’s a useless wreck that knows that he’s hurting. _leeteuk _did. _leeteuk _put their smile on its face, not saying anything to hide his unstable voice, not his usual “mc” voice.____**** ** ** _ _ _ _

____********____they tried. _leeteuk _really tried to hide the demon that was themselves. but **jungsu **had to ruin it by holding himself back. he held them back, nothing ever works when your stuck in this loop of pain and have the emotional range of paint drying****___ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _

____********______****the rest of super junior knew about his worsening health. almost everyone knew about it. the media was addicted to the breakup between him and heechul, after someone leaked a video of the two arguing. of course they knew that **jungsu **didn’t like the name _leeteuk _. but they didn’t know that _leeteuk _was just a decoy **jungsu **was hiding apon.****____****** ** _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _

____********______********____****having to use another name as your persona. **jungsu **hated that. when he saw his members cry or exhaust themselves he tried. that _leeteuk _self breaks apart, he cries when he sees them in pain. he remembers the exact pain **jungsu **had to feel. maybe it’s the moment he saw donghae cried. maybe it was the moment he and heenim shared their first kiss, their first time. **jungsu **and _leeteuk _thought they might have a good life after all in this shitty society they are being forced in.__********__****** ** _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _

____********______********____********__********__they had excuses. _leeteuk _had the excuses. when he found himself arguing with heenim, that flame started. excuses. heenim’s stupid excuses of ignoring **jungsu’s **feelings. it didn’t matter, **jungsu **was hurting. nobody cares. he was tired of pretending to put a smile on his face and pretended like nothing can touch them. all was in **jungsu’s **mind was guilt and anger. he was better off dead.************___ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _

____********______********____********__********____************the flame slowly burned into chaos when **jungsu **was in the midst of his members fighting. it wasn’t over the top like they were hurting each other, but something about it made jungsu’s heart wrench. it always happened, but since **jungsu **loves overthinking, he lost control on himself. it’s just _leeteuk _taking over. again and again, _leeteuk _put the fire away where it resides, **jungsu **.****____********** ** ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _

____********______********____********__********____********************____****“please say something, please.”** ** _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _

____********______********____********__********____********************____****leeteuk, get the fuck out and tell him i’m okay.** ** _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _

____********______********____********__********____********************____****_get over it **jungsu **, you love hiding your feelings after a heartbreak __****_** ** _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _

____********______********____********__********____********************____****_****_they watched as heenim’s teardrops fell in _leeteuk’s _shoulder___ ** ** _ ** ** _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _

____********______********____********__********____********************____****_****___stop sobbing heenim. you didn’t care for me._ _ _ ** ** _ ** ** _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _

____********______********____********__********____********************____****_****___it came back, it always did. he was happier with him. that was the reason heenim left. **jungsu’s **fault. his fault. it went worst.****_ _ _ ** ** _ ** ** _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _

____********______********____********__********____********************____****_****___****“i don’t want to hurt you or talk to you anymore, leave me alone!” heenim shouted.** ** _ _ _ ** ** _ ** ** _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _

____********______********____********__********____********************____****_****___****flame. it burned inside **jungsu **and it crumbles into his heart like that.****** ** _ _ _ ** ** _ ** ** _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _

____********______********____********__********____********************____****_****___********“we can fix this… we can…”** ** ** ** _ _ _ ** ** _ ** ** _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _

____********______********____********__********____********************____****_****___**********jungsu **gave up his train of thoughts. heenim left, without a goodbye.**** ** ** ** ** _ _ _ ** ** _ ** ** _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _

____********______********____********__********____********************____****_****___************“stay here.”** ** ** ** ** ** _ _ _ ** ** _ ** ** _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _

____********______********____********__********____********************____****_****___**************jungsu **opens his eyes, he sees heenim. it was a subtle moment for the two of them. after arguments, fighting and the amount of times **jungsu **had cried over him. his heartbreak was the reason why he tried to hide everything, even from the members. but they knew. donghae could see his pain. _leeteuk _brushes it off. heenim never cared, or **jungsu **was so blind to know it was love.****__******** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ _ _ ** ** _ ** ** _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _

____********______********____********__********____********************____****_****___********************__****it wasn’t about sex or marriage that **jungsu **wished for. he wanted heenim by his side. it was hard, heenim didn’t understand.****** ** _ _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ _ _ ** ** _ ** ** _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _

____********______********____********__********____********************____****_****___********************__********“i’m sorry too, **jungsu **.”****** ** ** ** _ _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ _ _ ** ** _ ** ** _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _

____********______********____********__********____********************____****_****___********************__************he did.** ** ** ** ** ** _ _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ _ _ ** ** _ ** ** _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _

____********______********____********__********____********************____****_****___********************__**************stay with me tonight. ******** ** ** ** ** ** _ _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ _ _ ** ** _ ** ** _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _

____********______********____********__********____********************____****_****___********************__****************that night, heenim had never left. even if they weren’t lovers, they had each other's heart. each heenim would talk to **jungsu **about his crushes and how he wanted a relationship. they would watch anime together, even if **jungsu was not in a good mood. no matter how much heenim treated him emotionally and physically, **jungsu **would listen. he wishes he wasn’t dying inside.************ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ _ _ ** ** _ ** ** _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _

____********______********____********__********____********************____****_****___********************__**************************maybe one day heenim would come back.** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ _ _ ** ** _ ** ** _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _

____********______********____********__********____********************____****_****___********************__****************************wait for me. ******** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ _ _ ** ** _ ** ** _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _

____********______********____********__********____********************____****_****___********************__********************************jungsu **kisses him in the forehead before crying on his shoulder. this is his reality. but **jungsu **dealt with it, he couldn’t do it without heenim worrying about him.******** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ _ _ ** ** _ ** ** _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _

____********______********____********__********____********************____****_****___********************__**************************************but did heenim really cared? like the loving partner he used to be years ago? when they broke up in a friday night of 2017?** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ _ _ ** ** _ ** ** _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _

____********______********____********__********____********************____****_****___********************__**************************************they will fight their hardships, with or without each other.** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ _ _ ** ** _ ** ** _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _

____********______********____********__********____********************____****_****___********************__****************************************ill bring you home. ******** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ _ _ ** ** _ ** ** _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _

____********______********____********__********____********************____****_****___********************__******************************************even if its the smallest bit of hope, **jungsu **wanted him back. not as a lover, he wants it since 2005. the moment heenim had complimented him in his singing, the moment they shared their first kiss. back then, heenim was the one wanting his heart and **jungsu **was dumb enough to not pay attention.********** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ _ _ ** ** _ ** ** _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _

____********______********____********__********____********************____****_****___********************__**************************************************it’s 2018. **jungsu **is feeling the same pain, like karma has came back onto him.****** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ _ _ ** ** _ ** ** _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _

____********______********____********__********____********************____****_****___********************__******************************************************“what’s your wish, hyung?” siwon once asked **jungsu **that question. it took him a while to answer and it was months after their breakup. eventually, **jungsu **found his answer********** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ _ _ ** ** _ ** ** _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _

____********______********____********__********____********************____****_****___********************__****************************************************************heenim. kim heechul was my wish. ******** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ _ _ ** ** _ ** ** _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _

____********______********____********__********____********************____****_****___********************__******************************************************************atlas, **jungsu **stood up and looks at heenim before leaving. he writes something on a scrap piece of paper and puts in next to his bedside.****** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ _ _ ** ** _ ** ** _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _

____********______********____********__********____********************____****_****___********************__**********************************************************************goodnight heenim. i loved you.** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ _ _ ** ** _ ** ** _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _

____********______********____********__********____********************____****_****___********************__**********************************************************************i’ll see you in the other side.** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ _ _ ** ** _ ** ** _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _ _ _ ** ** ** ** _ _ _ _


End file.
